Goals are about DESIRE. Desire is about what we want, and what fulfills us. It is not about what is required of us. Many of us, when setting goals, outline the effort we have to take; what we must, or should, do to achieve our goal.
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Too often we create a goal that is about requirement and obligation, and that’s bad enough. But, even when we do set a goal that is about our desire, we still focus on the effort we have to make to achieve it, instead of zeroing in on the reward we have in store!
While it is true that any worthwhile goal is going to require some effort, that effort is not the sum of our goals, merely a component. The goal is the result of the effort; the reward. We must view our goals as rewards, not requirements.
Powerful goals are built when we focus on an outcome that we desire to achieve, wherein we are frequently reminded of our upcoming reward, and the fact that we have the opportunity to pursue this outcome.
Less powerful goals result when we focus on an outcome that we are required to achieve, wherein we are frequently reminded of our ongoing sacrifice, and the fact that we have an obligation to pursue this outcome.
Desire vs. Require; Upcoming Reward vs. Ongoing Sacrifice; Opportunity vs. Obligation.
You might think it’s just semantics, but this is the language your subconscious mind will use to interpret the journey you are about to take. Will it be one of sacrifice and obligation, or one of reward and desire? You set the stage for your success through the framing of your endeavor.
Setting goals that align with your desires and aspirations rather than just addressing basic needs, or focusing on requirements, can be a powerful motivational factor. While both needs and wants are important aspects of goal-setting, focusing on what you truly want can enhance your sense of purpose, satisfaction, and fulfillment.
It’s almost as if we’re programmed to go after what we need more than what we want, or feel it’s necessary to make great sacrifices in the realization of our goals. As though there is something better about a goal based in sacrifice vs one based in personal indulgence.
Before we move on, let’s look at some of the reasons that we might be inclined to move in that direction. There can be various reasons why people might hesitate to set self-indulgent goals:
Social Expectations: Society often places value on goals that are perceived as productive, beneficial to others, or aligned with traditional success metrics. Goals that are seen as self-indulgent might be viewed negatively or considered frivolous by others, leading individuals to hesitate in setting them.
Guilt or Shame: Some individuals may feel guilty or ashamed about prioritizing their own desires or well-being over what they perceive as more important responsibilities. This can create hesitation in setting goals that are perceived as self-indulgent.
Fear of Judgment: People may fear being judged by others for setting goals that are perceived as self-centered or hedonistic. The fear of social disapproval can deter individuals from openly pursuing goals that focus solely on personal pleasure or enjoyment.
Cultural or Family Expectations: Cultural or family values and expectations can strongly influence an individual's goal-setting behavior. If there is an emphasis on self-sacrifice or prioritizing the collective good over personal pleasure, individuals may be hesitant to set goals that are perceived as self-indulgent.
Internalized Beliefs: Some individuals may internalize societal or cultural norms that prioritize hard work, sacrifice, or the pursuit of external achievements. These internalized beliefs can lead to a reluctance to set goals that are perceived as self-centered or focused on personal gratification.
Fear of Failure: There might be a fear that pursuing self-indulgent goals could lead to failure or disappointment. This fear can be a significant barrier, as individuals may worry about the consequences of not meeting societal or personal expectations.
Lack of Self-Worth: Individuals who struggle with self-esteem or self-worth may find it difficult to prioritize their own desires. They may believe they are not deserving of indulging in personal pleasures, leading to hesitation in setting self-indulgent goals.
It's essential for individuals to recognize and understand the sources of their hesitation and reflect on their own values and desires. Balancing personal well-being with societal expectations and responsibilities is crucial for a fulfilling and sustainable life. Setting self-indulgent goals, when done thoughtfully, can contribute to overall happiness and life satisfaction.
Let’s look at a few reasons why setting goals based on “what you want” can be beneficial:
1. Self-indulgent goals often align with personal desires, leading to higher intrinsic motivation. When individuals are genuinely interested in the goal, they are more likely to stay committed and enjoy the process, making it easier to achieve.
2. Pursuing what you want often involves activities or outcomes that you are passionate about. This passion can fuel enthusiasm, making the journey toward your goals more enjoyable and fulfilling.
3. Goals tied to your wants can foster resilience in the face of challenges. The desire to achieve something meaningful to you can help you persevere through difficulties and setbacks.
4. Achieving goals that reflect your desires tends to bring a higher level of satisfaction and happiness. The sense of accomplishment is more profound when you attain something you genuinely wanted rather than something you felt obligated to pursue.
5. Pursuing wants often involves stepping outside your comfort zone and engaging in personal growth. It can lead to a deeper understanding of yourself and your capabilities.
6. Goals based on your wants give you a sense of autonomy and ownership. You are more likely to take responsibility for your actions and decisions when they are aligned with your personal desires. It’s called having skin in the game.
The emotional connection to self-indulgent goals may lead you to be more open to learning from failures, adjusting your strategies, and seeking support when needed. This adaptability can contribute to greater resilience.
Now, it IS important to note that resilience is a complex trait influenced by various factors, including mindset, social support, and coping strategies, and the relationship between self-indulgent goals and resilience can vary based on individual differences and circumstances.
But while the effectiveness of goal-setting can obviously vary from person to person, I still believe that self-indulgent goals are going to be more powerful, and easier to achieve, for most people.
Go ahead and indulge yourself, and take those Little Steps to BIG Success!
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